On Turning Forty-Nine

This past Saturday was my birthday anniversary. I am now officially forty-nine years old. Normally, the passing of my birth date is not something that consumes much of my thought. It usually comes and goes just as any other day. In fact, one year my family and I completely forgot my birthday for nearly two weeks.

This year is different. First, forty-nine sucks. It really does. I think it is right up there with 25 or 32. And maybe 11. Forty-nine feels like being stuck in a holding pattern, somewhat like trying to fly into O’Hare during the winter. Forward progress has stopped but the trip isn’t over yet.

Second, I am not yet fifty. That benefit of entering the wizened older years hasn’t come. Those jokes about being forty-something don’t seem to really work anymore. “Flight Pastor Bluejeans, please descend to twenty-five thousand feet and hold for further clearance.”

Maybe it is because now I reflect on those goals and dreams I had made when I was much younger. Earn a thousand dollars in annual salary for every year I am old. Take a bike tour of Peru. Build a hot rod my wife and I could cruise around town in on a warm summer evening.

I haven’t made it to any of those goals. Came close a few times. But haven’t quite accomplished them. The worst part of it is. They don’t seem to be all that important anymore.

Maybe that is what forty-nine is for. A year to realize some things will never happen. A year to reflect on what I have accomplished. A year to make peace with what will be.

I have been thinking about goals for myself as I approach the magic fifty. Things like helping my children through college and professional school. Spending more “just us” time with my wife. Doing more writing, maybe even try to get something published. Figuring out how to get that damn VCR from blinking the time.

The nice thing about a holding pattern is you know they have to let you land…eventually. Someone is watching out for you, keeping you separated from others who are circling around. Since you are already late you don’t have to worry about making deadlines. I think I’ll relax and enjoy the flight. Look out the window for a while and think of amusing things to do with the airsick bag. If I miss my connection maybe I’ll buy a bike and go to Peru.

First Things First

On the odd chance someone should stumble across this blog and read what has been written I thought it fair they should have some idea about who I am. It gives "context" to my ramblings. It allows a person to say, "Ah, I understand why he says that." So a bit about me. (More than the paragraph at the top of the blog. Although, those words probably say far more about me than I know.)

Yes, I really am a pastor. I serve a small Lutheran congregation in a remote rural area. I like it here. The people of this parish are sincere. I enjoy being able to walk outside and watch the horses in the field behind my office and watching the crops grow across the road from the church building. It is where God has placed me for now and I'm glad He did. I love being a pastor and I'll probably write about that another time. It really is a neat story.

I have the wife, three kids and a two dogs kind of family. My wife, who I married twice, (Yeah, that's a blog entry for another day.) teaches High School English. It is her second career. Watching her enjoy what she does is thrilling. I believe she has found herself and what fulfills her.

There are two daughters and a son. The son is in the middle actually. My oldest daughter will finish junior college and transfer to university this fall. She is planning on being a high school teacher also. Her brother will graduate from high school this spring and also begin university this fall. He wants to become a pastor. Their little sister will graduate in two years and wants to go to veterinary school. If things work just right I ought to be able to afford a pizza in about ten years.

I am the youngest of five children born to depression era parents. My birth was an "oops" my youngest sibling is nine years older than I am and the oldest is 18 years older than me. I think sociologists call it "Second Family". It was interesting growing up with a brother and sisters that were more like "uncles and aunts". As I grow older the family structure and behavior becomes even more odd. My parents are dead and I am not close to my siblings so my wife and children are important to me.

There is more but it can wait. That's something I am working on. Learning to tell people the time not telling them how to build a watch. I need to let go and let life take its course, let things grow on their own. It's hard to do but I'm trying to improve.

I titled this entry before I began writing. As I got closer to the end I saw that a fortuitous coincidence had occurred. "First Things First" is the title of the "Manifesto" written by Ken Garland in 1963. If you have never read the manifesto or know about it I encourage you to do a web search and learn about Garland, his work, and his writing.

"First Things First" pointed to the critical distinction between design as communication (giving people necessary information) and design as persuasion (trying to get them to buy things). As Wilkpedia states: "It tried to re-radicalise design which had become lazy and uncritical" and "it explicitly re-affirmed the belief that Design is not a neutral value-free process."

Maybe that is exactly what I am to be on about in this process. I hope my writing will be faithful to those principles. And when it isn't I'll blame it on bad beer.

Setting Priorities

A while back I decided to begin blogging. I truly intended to write on a regular basis but then life happened. As my mumble mumble ieth birthday approaches I have decided to give a present to myself. I am going to make a priority of publishing to this blog. A 3/4 horsepower drill would be nice but this is better for me.

I had thought I would write some thoughts about my last entry but it is simply too painful. Real Live Preacher recently wrote about evil. http://www.reallivepreacher.com/node/613?PHPSESSID=baa53406e2fe8ed15b1566b38e455504

I think letting him speak for me is the best choice.

Some ideas have come to me that I do need to write about. I'll get to them over the next while. Things like fathering, gifts given by others, Harvester Ants and Horned Lizards. Maybe I'll even write about accidently going into the womens washroom at my senior prom.